Protecting Our Love and Legacy: End of Life Documents for LGBTQ Individuals
In times when rights and recognition can feel fragile but really, any time, there’s power in preparing for death on our terms, especially for LGBTQ individuals. As a queer death doula, I believe that preparing for our final moments, and documenting our wishes, allows us to hold agency and bring peace to our loved ones. For many of us, having these documents isn’t only practical; it’s a profound act of self-protection and love for those who matter most.
Advanced Directives: Honoring Your End-of-Life Choices
An advanced directive, or living will, is a written expression of your medical wishes for the times when you may not be able to advocate for yourself. Think of this as a map for the kind of care you want to receive, from treatments and pain management to the specific comforts that make you feel at home. An advanced directive can even reflect your desired setting and atmosphere: music, lighting, spiritual practices, and the presence of loved ones. Crafting this document ensures that the choices surrounding your end-of-life care reflect your wishes.
Medical Power of Attorney: Entrusting Your Voice to the Right Person
Designating a medical power of attorney ensures that someone you trust is empowered to make health-related decisions on your behalf. This document gives that person the legal authority to honor your end-of-life preferences when you cannot. For LGBTQ folx, this is especially critical, as it gives your chosen family or partner the ability to make decisions and be by your side, especially in places where legal recognition may still fall short. Naming someone who knows your heart and values guarantees your decisions will be respected.
Death Wishes: Crafting Your Own Farewell
Death wishes are your chance to bring intention to your final farewell. This document can detail your preferences for everything from burial or cremation to alternative options like green burial or natural decomposition, as well as who you’d like involved in your memorial service and how it should feel. Are there particular rituals, songs, or readings that hold meaning for you? Would you like to honor your loved ones in a special way? These death wishes ensure that your legacy is celebrated in a way that aligns with who you are.
Simple Will: Protecting Your Legacy and Loved Ones
A simple will gives you control over who inherits your assets and possessions, safeguarding your relationships and chosen family. This document can be vital in preventing disputes and ensuring your partner, friends, or family of choice receive what matters most. A simple will can also designate guardianship of any animal companions and provide clear instructions for the handling of sentimental items or meaningful belongings, making sure they end up in the hands of those you trust.
Digital Legacy: Managing Your Online Presence
Today, many of us leave behind a rich digital life. This part of planning involves deciding how you want your online accounts—social media profiles, digital assets, and emails—handled. Do you want certain profiles to be memorialized, passed on, or deleted? Designating a trusted person to manage your digital legacy ensures your online presence reflects your wishes.
Name Change: Affirming Your True Self
If you’ve been considering a name change, now is an ideal time to legally affirm your chosen identity. Securing your name on official documents can ensure that your name is honored throughout your journey and your legacy. Whether it’s a symbolic or deeply personal decision, I can guide you through this process, helping you establish your true self in all facets of your life.
We don’t know what the future may bring, but being prepared is always the best way to protect ourselves and those we love.
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Michelle Carrera is a Puerto Rican writer, grief worker, death doula, and cultural witness exploring grief, ancestry, ecology, spirituality, and belonging in a changing world. Their work has appeared in various publications and can also be found through Grief and Liberation.
Grief and Liberation is a creative ecosystem devoted to grief, pilgrimage, ecology, ancestry, spirituality, animals, and the search for aliveness in fractured times. Through essays, stories, and reflections, it asks how we remain open-hearted in a world marked by loss and transformation. www.griefandliberation.com